I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
