but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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