somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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