it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
