he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
