this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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