after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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