OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
