so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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