I think i peed on brittanys purse
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
