Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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