Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
