just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
