dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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