I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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