bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
