shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
