and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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