I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
