can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
