i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
