I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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