the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
