Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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