Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
