i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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