Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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