Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
