I bet he comes in French.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
