Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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