i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We need to get me chipped asap
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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