from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
