just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
