My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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