Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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