The maid of honor just puked.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i think i just lost a toe
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
