areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
