You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
