I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
