I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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