I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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