Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
