And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Boobs are out for the taking
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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