Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
