We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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