I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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