loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
