How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
