Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
