I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My life is pants optional.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
