I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
