It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
