I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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