i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
