Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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