trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
