What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
