I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
