Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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