is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
