All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
