id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
